101 Ways To Keep A Man by Emiliana Silvestri
“How to stop your man from having an affair” shouts the headline- with a ‘cut out and keep your man’ page with helpful hints and tips from Emiliana’s new book, such as ‘Learn to cook and be a nearly naked chef’- illustrated by the author herself by wearing a low-cut top and learning over an oven in tight red satin lingerie, breasts spilling out into her baking tray holding a pie. The picture of this rather leathery looking woman does not exactly inspire confidence I must say.
Now you could argue that The Sun isn’t exactly a woman’s paper, Page Three being a popular debate. But having met a few of the page three girls while working at Nuts, I don’t think it’s topless modelling that is derogatory for women (firstly because who says women as a gender are represented by Page Three?) but being told ‘Make yourself more interesting’ I DO find slightly offensive.
Any article detailing how to keep your man from straying should strike us all as odd. The word ‘keep’ implies two things;
1. That you’re accepting men straying is a fact.
2. It’s the woman’s responsibility to do the ‘keeping’ and prevent the straying.
Never-ending tales of over-paid sports men being unfaithful to their wives who consequently rarely seem to leave, constantly reinforce the belief that men go out and spread their seed and its the wife’s duty to forgive them- the wives of John Terry and Ryan Gigs being jaw-dropping examples of the fine line between footballer’s wife and prostitute.
It’s important to note that these relationships, although in the harsh glare of the public eye, are still real relationships- we don’t know Mrs Terry or Mrs Gigs or the ins and outs of their decisions to stay. But Emiliana’s advice seems to imply that these women acted correctly in line with current common belief, and even further- implies they are to blame for their husband’s roving eyes. (N.B most women don’t have a footballer’s bank balance to act as compensation…)
This isn’t written under the ‘feminist’ tag here but more under the theme of common sense. I might hold an old fashion vision of a tall strong man, a breadwinner looking after me and my future family- but I’ve got to admit, I don’t have much intention of getting on my knees for it. And I certainly don’t intend to be baking apple pies half-naked to sustain it.
"I am simply being honest.” Emiliana says. “Men have three basic instincts — food, shelter and sex. If you nail that as a woman, there's no need for him to look elsewhere."
I don’t think there is a sentence more depressing.
‘As a woman’- are these our highest aims- to water, feed and shelter? What am I dating? A man or a plant??
Emiliana’s ‘honesty’ generates an image of a gorilla in a suit, lumbering through the door, sniffing out his woman and his food. If he doesn’t find it, he follows the smell to the next house with the next heavy-bossomed woman he can find holding a baking tray.
Should we give the male species perhaps a little bit more credit here?
“Men don't cheat because they can — they cheat because they are not fulfilled at home”
Ouch!
Did you hear that Cheryl Cole- its YOUR fault.
It just seems a bit too easy to think that this is the simple formula- feed them, keep the house clean, have sex with them. Are our men really that basic?? Even if you decided to bite your tongue and follow Emiliana’s rules, the most likely outcome is that your just going to feel even more of a twat naked in your apron if you find out he still couldn’t keep it in his pants, you ringing various girlfriends sobbing in your kitchen; ‘but what’s wrong with my pie??’
There’s nothing wrong- you just need to give somebody else the fork and go bake yourself some self respect instead.
“It is so easy to make small changes and to keep a man enthralled. Men love family and security and a happy home.”
What about what we love? There’s not a single mention of all this effort being a two-way street which was slightly disappointing- if I’m farting about cooking delicious treats and dieting to have a body and libido to satisfy, then what exactly am I getting in return for all my hard work?
I think the fact this Nancy Dell’olio look-alike is making, is that him coming home to you at all is the reward- we should be damn grateful if this man has decided his marital bed is worthy of him this evening, so grin and wipe his mouth as his eats his lamb chops.
"They would rather have a family get together at home than a torrid one-night stand in a hotel. But women have to make an effort."
Ok so let me see if I’ve got this right- men don’t even like cheating, but do it anyway in response to our failure to keep them ENTHRALLED?? Who is she getting her facts from- Ryan Gigs??
I think it must come down to this; why would you want ‘keep’ someone? I don’t want to keep anybody against their will. If they want to go out and cheat, it doesn’t really matter how much cooking in my bra I do, do I really want to eat my dinner with somebody I had to lure to the dinner table?
If this is what a marriage entails then I can feel myself backing firmly away from the alter- from Emiliana’s point of view, I can’t quite see what I’m going to be getting out of all this prancing around, besides, anyone that knows me knows I’m a terrible cook…
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The best thing about articles being printed on-line as well as in the paper is the comments box- I think this one says it all..
“Doesn't work.... I dated her..... and cheated on her. She looks rough, moans all the time, can't cook and is terrible in bed- when she didn't have a headache!! Couldn't wait to get shot of her!!!”
Stick that in your apple pie Emiliana.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/3940787/How-to-stop-your-man-having-affairs.html
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