The best selection of valentines stuff for people pretending not to be interested in valentines...

1.Seriously intense baking.

Is it me or are these cakes so shiny you can almost smell the sugar and butter, capital letters calling out to you? 
I don't know whether to stick my face in them or eat them really quickly and throw it all up again. Know what I mean?

2. Because if you’re not into Friends references, I have nothing to say to you.

I like to think I'm a Rachel, (we all like to think we’re a Rachel,) but I think it's more likely I'm a Phoebe, little bit crazy, with a  chequered past that comes out in stories that make no chronological sense…




3. I swear to god there is a card for everything.

You know, if they made this card when I was 17 my life would have been a whole lot easier. Actually my entire life would have been a whole easier with cards like these. 

It’s when valentines comes at the really inconvenient time when you've been dating about a week and haven't figured out the goal posts yet, you’re not even saying you’re seeing each other or dating each other, your just you know, hanging out, being cool, and you hope that neither of you notice valentine’s day, that it floats on past, yet secretly expect they do something to acknowledge it.




4. If Jezza Kyle made cuddle toys.

5. Delete, love, hate, repeat.

The addictive circle which you convince yourself is totally normal at the time, when in fact you can't really recall their face very clearly- because your either snogging it or trying to punch it. 




6. Moon Pig needs to get organised.

I would so send these out if it was socially acceptable. This is a card that to me says, I certainly don't want to be your girlfriend anymore- but if I could go back that first week when you were showing off and treating me very nicely indeed, I would certainly be tempted.  (if I could give you back again afterwards.)

7. History makes Tinder look tame.

Or, love me or I'll divorce you and blame you for my lack of functioning sperm and gangrene leg and syphilis.


8. The 'uh oh' moments.

Yep we've all had one of those. I was a waitress, new restaurant, first shift, and the boss came down the stairs, shook my hand introducing himself, and as he smiled I distinctly remember thinking, 'oh shit.' 

It lasted about 4 weeks, (as did the job.)
.


9. The funny card that's not so funny when you open the super sentimental one she got you.

If you receive one of these my first thought is probably don't marry this one. And give him back to his mother. 




10. Things I say in my head but wouldn't put on the front of a card.

Happy Valentines Day! @melodys_pen